Forget Bye Bye Birdie It could Bye bye Bestie... :(

Hey guys,

 Sorry I haven't updated at all this week, I've just been feeling really down on myself and not me.
I can thankfully say that my time with the other mean three are over and I'm with thg and mp now which is good (look back to couple last posts what thg and mp mean).

I can't say though that I'm happy, that would be a lie and whets the point in lying? It just makes you more sad. I mean I'm happy being with thg and mp but sometimes I feel as if (because thg has been my best friend for a long time) that she treats me differently, sometimes not in a good way.

For Example:

 I would do something she probably wouldn't like and then she would get cross at me, but if mp were to do it then thg would think it was a fun joke and laugh at it and then make fun of my every move (which has been happening recently) almost like a constant bully. Surely your best friend wouldn't do that, would they? I have to say that recently I feel myself as if I'm drifting away from her and sometimes wish I had never made contact with her. So harsh I know but I'm getting tired or having to do everything for her because that is not what best friends do. Another thing I've found is that I love divergent but whenever I speak about either in conversation or in text  thg would say "Shut up and talk about something else" or (and this did come up in a conversation) she said "Okay talk about something I dislike to get my mind off things, I know. Just drone on about divergent I absolutely hate it" Those words hurt a lot. And if it were texting she would act as if nobody but me likes it.

 I've also realised  that I feel that everything is a competition with her, like if she beats me in something thg will make me feel like a dunce and make fun of me. The problem is though, although school makes me unhappy in general, if I broke the friendship I would be the most hated person in the world and even more because thg can be a total drama Queen. I cant run no matter how many times because apparently this will happen to every school I go to.
 But what if I did join a new school and became a nobody, parts of me would enjoy that because sometimes I don't want to do half the things everyone else does including this trip I have tomorrow with mp and thg who peer pressured into doing it.

I guess I'm hating on life which and becoming sad again, its almost as if when you're sad you'll never get out of that portal. I would say more about thg but I have to stop, I'm too tired.

I'm tired of everything really, life
                                             friends
                                             eating
Most of all, I'm tired of being tired of everything in life because all of a sudden its become a massive hassle for me do anything and its disrupting my sleep and more.
I don't know what to do anymore.

I guess my question is can you outgrow a best friend? it would help I you leave a comment down below for an answer

I guess that's all I have time for today guys
till next post ma friends


Online Girl xxx